I had to distance myself from most of my relatives after my grandparents passed. Grandma in 1993 and Grandpa in 1996. I talk to my mother on occasion, but I don't get involved with her or her life, she lives with 2 men, one of which is my ex-husband.

My father died in 2001 on jan 1, during one of this tantrums where he wouldn't speak to me, except through his wife. Four days later his wife called me stupid because I supposedly didn't know that my dad loved me. I was leftover rotten garbage from the day his son was born when I was 10. If we didn't jump and run when he said we became "enemies." When I got my smog license he sent my brother to me to do an illegal smog test for him (I refused, so I was cut off from contact for nearly a year). And shortly after that he used my good reputation at the local community college to get elected to the college board without my knowledge or consent, and two of my professors refused to speak to me after that.

More recently, my sister, less than affectionately nicknamed Satan, decided to tell me that I'm a mooch, that all I ever do is beg for money. It's been close to 40 years since I've asked anyone in my family for any thing, and the last thing was when my ex-husband (who currently lives with my mother) stole my truck from me after I left the shelter for battered women and tried to go back to work. I'm sure it was either her or my mother who told him I was out and living on my own again.

I understand that forgiveness is for giving yourself peace, but I can't let my guard down.

Honey. -takes your hand and gently kisses the center of your palm- As I've shown you grace, you've shown me the same in return. You are a good man, and I'm a better person for knowing you.

Oh families....the source of joy or pain and often both.
My mother and I were often at odds throughout her life.....I lived several states away from her for decades.
In the last year of her life, she begged me to come home, to spend time with her. She knew she was dying.
So I did.
We took rides and went to lunch and chatted. I took her to her doctor appointments. It gave my siblings a break as well.
We got to know each other better. She especially got to know me better. Over time, she opened up and apologized. She apologized profusely.
It was hard to accept her 9th inning apology, but what are you going to do? kick a dog while they're down? no.
In the end, it just brought us both some peace.
Peace is worth it. Peace is worth it all, to me.

Thank you as well.
I believe that therapy is a gift we give ourselves.

I tried to talk to my mother about the end of her life (this was probably 10 o 15 years ago now), and if she needed someone to care for her. She said, "I'd rather die than have to live with you." So there's that..

Gratitude...since you're sharing...In my youth, I thought everyone was like me. Liked school, completed homework, changed clothes and went out to play. I was raised by a divorced mom with two other siblings. While mom was at work, her mother came over to take care of us during the day. I was grand-mom's youngest grandchild.

After growing up and meeting other young adults, I was surprised at how...um...messed-up...some other people my age had become. One very close friend from grade school must have gotten into substance abuse. I don't know the details, except that he died in his 20's. Another person from my close friend group had very detailed conversations with me about how unhappy they were with their young spouse and cried on my shoulder. I should have pushed them away. Nope, young naive me got involved. Turned out it was habitual lying on their part.

In summary, I'm thankful I had a mom and her mother with good character traits and taught me well. I'm also glad I found a spouse who is hard working and responsible like me.

@ServiceAward wrote:

@drdoggie - There are few good men, and I'm not one of them. You have shown me I have a future. It has been a long, long time since I thought that. * deletes the sweet comment so as not to disgust the fuddy duddies * Thank you.

As we do in so many other things...a2d.

-stands on a stepstool to look you in the eye- Good men make mistakes, hon. They're flawed, yet they still try to do the honorable thing. I've said to you more than once that each day is another opportunity for you to be the best *you* you can possibly be, and if you don't get it exactly right, well, guess what? The sun will rise again the next day, and you get a do-over. We make mistakes; you've learned from yours. You take those do-overs, make the most of them, and continuously put service to others above yourself. -leans forward to speak softly to you- That makes you a damn good man, and I'm proud to be your girl.

No worries, Okie. -chuckles- He's tall, I'm not, so sometimes the stepstool makes an appearance when I want to make a point.

@drdoggie00 wrote:

No worries, Okie. -chuckles- He's tall, I'm not, so sometimes the stepstool makes an appearance when I want to make a point.

We know what you two are doing...

Been there, done that. Rinse and repeat.

[When dating, my now spouse would stand on a stair step so that our, um, Mother Nature parts were more aligned during tight "hugs".]

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/17/2025 08:21PM by maverick1.

@ServiceAward wrote:

Ya'll have taken my serious thread and twisted it into something it isn't.

I like the way you think though @maverick1

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