Actually, many relatives of hoarders are just so used to it that they don't realize there is something wrong, mainly when it's young children. It isn't until they get a little older and go to friends' houses and see how clean and organized things are (relatively) that they realize that there is something wrong with their parent, but don't know how to do anything about it. Or, the relative (sibling, cousin, adult child) became so frustrated with their hoarding loved one about other things (there are usually other mental issues with hoarders) that the relative doesn't speak to the hoarder frequently and won't go to their house. I know this because my mother was a hoarder. It wasn't that bad growing up, just a little clutter and some neglect of normal housekeeping duties, but once all of us kids moved out and moved away, it got really bad. I moved away to Ohio and my mom lived in Florida. My other siblings were all so angry with her about various things they wouldn't attempt to try and keep a relationship with her, and forget them going to visit her. Once or twice a year I would fly down to her house to visit and would spend 3 or 4 days cleaning, and it was really, really hard to get her to donate or throw things away. She would scream and cry, and it was exhausting. I did learn alot from that show on how to deal with it, but since none of my 5 older siblings would do anything to help me, it was like an ant trying to move a mountain. I would come back the next year and it would be even worse than before. It got to where instead of trying to do anything about it, I took her on trips to places she had never been and didn't go to her house anymore. We did NYC, Atlantic City, Cape Cod, the mountains in North Carolina, Niagara Falls, Texas to visit my aunts, uncles and cousins, and many other places in her last years, and it was so much better than both her and I getting frustrated by me trying to "fix" her hoarding problem. But the house got really, really bad and I had no idea how bad...my mother passed away earlier this year and it took me nearly 2 weeks to get her house cleaned out, figure out what had to be thrown away and what to give to who (no will in the piles of old magazines, newspapers, mail, and other garbage, of course), and get the rest of her affairs in order. I had to plead and beg to get any of my siblings to come help me, but 2 of them finally relented and came to help. Boy were they shocked by the way the house looked, and that was after I had already been at it for about 5 days. Mom always talked about who was going to be in her will and who wasn't, and always insisted their was a will, but we sure couldn't find it. It also made it difficult when it came to how to arrange her funeral, since she always stated she wanted to be cremated but didn't have a will, so two of my siblings would not sign off on the cremation and they decided to bury her (in Florida it takes all 6 children to sign off for cremation, but no one has to sign off on a burial).
Sorry to hijack the thread.