Watching Hoarders makes me feel like cleaning my house. I should watch it tonight as I take my Christmas tree and decorations down.

And I'm not going to lie: a little piece of me died when I learned that House Hunters is staged. I mean, I can understand why they do it, but... man...

Actually, many relatives of hoarders are just so used to it that they don't realize there is something wrong, mainly when it's young children. It isn't until they get a little older and go to friends' houses and see how clean and organized things are (relatively) that they realize that there is something wrong with their parent, but don't know how to do anything about it. Or, the relative (sibling, cousin, adult child) became so frustrated with their hoarding loved one about other things (there are usually other mental issues with hoarders) that the relative doesn't speak to the hoarder frequently and won't go to their house. I know this because my mother was a hoarder. It wasn't that bad growing up, just a little clutter and some neglect of normal housekeeping duties, but once all of us kids moved out and moved away, it got really bad. I moved away to Ohio and my mom lived in Florida. My other siblings were all so angry with her about various things they wouldn't attempt to try and keep a relationship with her, and forget them going to visit her. Once or twice a year I would fly down to her house to visit and would spend 3 or 4 days cleaning, and it was really, really hard to get her to donate or throw things away. She would scream and cry, and it was exhausting. I did learn alot from that show on how to deal with it, but since none of my 5 older siblings would do anything to help me, it was like an ant trying to move a mountain. I would come back the next year and it would be even worse than before. It got to where instead of trying to do anything about it, I took her on trips to places she had never been and didn't go to her house anymore. We did NYC, Atlantic City, Cape Cod, the mountains in North Carolina, Niagara Falls, Texas to visit my aunts, uncles and cousins, and many other places in her last years, and it was so much better than both her and I getting frustrated by me trying to "fix" her hoarding problem. But the house got really, really bad and I had no idea how bad...my mother passed away earlier this year and it took me nearly 2 weeks to get her house cleaned out, figure out what had to be thrown away and what to give to who (no will in the piles of old magazines, newspapers, mail, and other garbage, of course), and get the rest of her affairs in order. I had to plead and beg to get any of my siblings to come help me, but 2 of them finally relented and came to help. Boy were they shocked by the way the house looked, and that was after I had already been at it for about 5 days. Mom always talked about who was going to be in her will and who wasn't, and always insisted their was a will, but we sure couldn't find it. It also made it difficult when it came to how to arrange her funeral, since she always stated she wanted to be cremated but didn't have a will, so two of my siblings would not sign off on the cremation and they decided to bury her (in Florida it takes all 6 children to sign off for cremation, but no one has to sign off on a burial).

Sorry to hijack the thread.

I admire your honesty and courage. Sounds like you gave your mom a wonderful gift of acceptance, and some wonderful trips filled with happy memories.

@JASFLALMT wrote:

Actually, many relatives of hoarders are just so used to it that they don't realize there is something wrong, mainly when it's young children. It isn't until they get a little older and go to friends' houses and see how clean and organized things are (relatively) that they realize that there is something wrong with their parent, but don't know how to do anything about it. Or, the relative (sibling, cousin, adult child) became so frustrated with their hoarding loved one about other things (there are usually other mental issues with hoarders) that the relative doesn't speak to the hoarder frequently and won't go to their house. I know this because my mother was a hoarder. It wasn't that bad growing up, just a little clutter and some neglect of normal housekeeping duties, but once all of us kids moved out and moved away, it got really bad. I moved away to Ohio and my mom lived in Florida. My other siblings were all so angry with her about various things they wouldn't attempt to try and keep a relationship with her, and forget them going to visit her. Once or twice a year I would fly down to her house to visit and would spend 3 or 4 days cleaning, and it was really, really hard to get her to donate or throw things away. She would scream and cry, and it was exhausting. I did learn alot from that show on how to deal with it, but since none of my 5 older siblings would do anything to help me, it was like an ant trying to move a mountain. I would come back the next year and it would be even worse than before. It got to where instead of trying to do anything about it, I took her on trips to places she had never been and didn't go to her house anymore. We did NYC, Atlantic City, Cape Cod, the mountains in North Carolina, Niagara Falls, Texas to visit my aunts, uncles and cousins, and many other places in her last years, and it was so much better than both her and I getting frustrated by me trying to "fix" her hoarding problem. But the house got really, really bad and I had no idea how bad...my mother passed away earlier this year and it took me nearly 2 weeks to get her house cleaned out, figure out what had to be thrown away and what to give to who (no will in the piles of old magazines, newspapers, mail, and other garbage, of course), and get the rest of her affairs in order. I had to plead and beg to get any of my siblings to come help me, but 2 of them finally relented and came to help. Boy were they shocked by the way the house looked, and that was after I had already been at it for about 5 days. Mom always talked about who was going to be in her will and who wasn't, and always insisted their was a will, but we sure couldn't find it. It also made it difficult when it came to how to arrange her funeral, since she always stated she wanted to be cremated but didn't have a will, so two of my siblings would not sign off on the cremation and they decided to bury her (in Florida it takes all 6 children to sign off for cremation, but no one has to sign off on a burial).

Sorry to hijack the thread.

One of my local friends is a professional organizer and was on an episode of Hoarders. She went to special classes and has certifications to deal with the people and those issues.

@DareWright wrote:

I've been watching Hoarders lately. It makes me feel like my house is sparkling
I do wonder how many of the hoarders are actually rehabilitated. It seems like most of them would go back to their old ways within a year.

I too heard about House Hunters being staged. My coworker was on Property Virgins once. She told me some stories about it and how staged it was. Pretty interesting.

There was a lady who had an extreme hoarding problem and one day they cleaned her house. One month later, she had the same problem again. (house was trashed). It seems they fear parting with EVERYTHING, including trash, crap on the floor, old newspapers, stale foods and etc. It seems to be quite painful to them to give up anything, including a doll with a broken head that can't be repaired.

@JASFLALMT: my condolences on the loss of your mom, and thank you for sharing that story. It sounds like she was lucky that at least one of her children chose to still connect with her even if you couldn't quite understand her behavior.

My exfiance's mother was a hoarder too. She didn't start until his father died. My ex was four at the time. So he grew up dealing with the hoarding. My ex is not a hoarder, or even messy. When we were together he was in his early 20's. The way he dealt with it was he kept the common areas (living room, kitchen, bathrooms, parlour) and his own room clean, and let her go to town everywhere else. If her hoarding began to encroach on the common areas (which it did of course), he would clean out the mess while she was at work and throw everything away that he felt was trash. When she got home she'd get angry and yell at him, but then eventually she would calm down.

I don't have cable, I must be missing alot!

@Dora wrote:

I don't have cable, I must be missing alot!

I watch it on Netflix and Hulu.